I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
