i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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