You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the day after is always just damage control
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
