Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i walk over a car last night?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize