he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize