Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
