gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
