just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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