pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
