i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's rum buckets o'clock
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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