Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
