waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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