Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
