Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
