I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
