Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
