Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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