Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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