Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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