like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
