Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
