then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
