Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize