You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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