Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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