I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
