I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize