I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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