hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
