Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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