i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
