that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
