So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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