It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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