Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
