WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
