i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
