just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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