I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
