I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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