Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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