I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
