I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
