He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
