Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
