69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
