My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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