You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
