is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
