I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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