Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
