glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
