Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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