i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
