yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
