Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
