Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
