If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize