I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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