saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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