need another drink. this is the easiest way
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
