Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this will be a night to untag.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
