i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
