the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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