Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
