Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
