do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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