Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
