I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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