My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
two words: eviction party
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
