Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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