i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didn't notice because vodka
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
