Whod you bang
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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