just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
