I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
