It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
