Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
