No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
