Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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