I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
