you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
