Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
