We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
