I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
