i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
