Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
