She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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