The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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