How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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