Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
