I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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