Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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