I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
