We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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