he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
