a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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