i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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