I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We left an ass print on the piano.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
