I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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