Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.

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(636): View more from Missouri

His pubic hair was longer than his dick

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(651): View more from Minnesota

you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now

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(847): View more from Illinois

it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs

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(407): View more from Florida

Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?

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(503): View more from Oregon

There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.

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(208): View more from Idaho

MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!

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