you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
