ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize