OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
