Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
