3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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