Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
