Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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