My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
