I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize