he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
