Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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