i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
