My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
