dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would ride that face into the sunset
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
