i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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