first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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