i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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