i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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