oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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